Don't ask "WHY?"

When we address misbehavior, it's important not to ask question "Why?" It only leads to blame instead of solution. It points, "I've caught you being bad, and I'm going to let you dig a bigger hole for yourself before I really come down on you hard." After learning this, I have tried to use this while handling behaviour of children in our school.

Joy's (name changed) mother had just asked her the question, "Why did you write the date on the record when I had told you not to write?" In anger Joy wripped off the whole record book.

Yesterday I received a bag of torn records of a Joy who is going to write 10th Std. exam with in two weeks. Records were so neatly written and completed and ready for exams but now only pieces to throw in the garbage. I called Joy and about to ask the question, "Why did you tear your record?" I reminded myself and told her, "Aunty will be very happy if you tell me the true story of this torn record." After few minutes silence, Joy replied, " I do not want my mother to ask me questions. It makes me angry." I asked Joy if she does not want her mother to point her mistakes. To this she answered, "No, I want my mother to tell me when I am wrong." I asked her then what shall your mother tell you. Joy answered, "Explain me." I think mother should have told her to erase the wrong dates and write again. We are looking for solutions rather than reasons to blame.

You can also try this.

Changing behaviour takes time. Don't loose patience.

Music Therapy at Asha Kiran

Sunil is a 12 year old with autism, Reena is a 28 year old professional who suffers from depression, Sunitha has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Syndrome at the age of 71, and Ram is a 43 year old infected with HIV. One thing common among all these people is a detriment in health and an inability to function at an optimal level. Music therapy offers an effective and non evasive medium to such people to attain a certain level of health, even if they are unable to reach their full potential.

What is music therapy? Who can benefit from it? Will the client be able to play an instrument better? Can the improvements due to music therapy be measured? These and many other questions come to mind when we talk about music therapy. It is grounded on the belief that everyone can respond to music, no matter how ill or handicapped they are. Music forms a very important part of our being. At a very basic biological level, the heart-beat which is rhythmic in nature, is primary to our life, just like rhythm which forms the heartbeat of music. Children learn to move to a beat before they can walk and talk, and can respond by smiling when their mother sings for them. As they grow older, these movements get more complicated and diverse, and each person develops their own style of responding to music.

At Asha Kiran, we have begun music therapy sessions for the children between the ages of 5 and 10. It’s a special moment with the kids, when we see these children listen, respond to, and are stimulated by music. The children have learnt to imitate rhythms, communicate through music, improvise with various instruments, and also sing many children’s songs. The unique qualities of music as therapy can enhance communication, support change, and help these children to live more resourcefully and creatively. It provides access to a world of emotional, mental, physical, social and spiritual experiences.

Some of the general goals of music therapy involve strengthening a child’s potential for responding to and initiating contact and communication, developing contact with emotions, improving their quality of life through shared experiences, a greater sense of identity, and to develop social skills. While the specific needs of each child is different, the goals of the therapy would also differ. But one thing that can be said is that music provides a creative avenue for expressing emotions and feelings that words can’t. Singing pre-composed songs, listening, improvising on an instrument, playing together in an ensemble, learning an instrument, moving to music, using drama or art in therapy, and other creative means, are useful tools in music therapy. Through musical involvement, the strengths of each child is enhanced, and transferred to other areas of their life. While music cannot cure a them of a disease, it forms a compliment to the treatment or rehabilitation that a person is receiving.

Music therapy is a relatively new field, and there is a lot of research being done on the efficacy of the arts as therapy. But when, through the music, an autistic child relates to another on a meaningful level, or a depressed adult can communicate feelings and emotions, or a HIV infected person can enjoy the rest of his days, the value of music as therapy cannot be debated.