When we address misbehavior, it's important not to ask question "Why?" It only leads to blame instead of solution. It points, "I've caught you being bad, and I'm going to let you dig a bigger hole for yourself before I really come down on you hard." After learning this, I have tried to use this while handling behaviour of children in our school.
Joy's (name changed) mother had just asked her the question, "Why did you write the date on the record when I had told you not to write?" In anger Joy wripped off the whole record book.
Yesterday I received a bag of torn records of a Joy who is going to write 10th Std. exam with in two weeks. Records were so neatly written and completed and ready for exams but now only pieces to throw in the garbage. I called Joy and about to ask the question, "Why did you tear your record?" I reminded myself and told her, "Aunty will be very happy if you tell me the true story of this torn record." After few minutes silence, Joy replied, " I do not want my mother to ask me questions. It makes me angry." I asked Joy if she does not want her mother to point her mistakes. To this she answered, "No, I want my mother to tell me when I am wrong." I asked her then what shall your mother tell you. Joy answered, "Explain me." I think mother should have told her to erase the wrong dates and write again. We are looking for solutions rather than reasons to blame.
You can also try this.
Changing behaviour takes time. Don't loose patience.
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